Our Family.......

You'll never believe this....

You gotta check it out.  http://marryourdaughter.com/

It's for real.

It's also a good thing my mom didn't know about this when I was 13....she might have.......well, maybe not. 

Never too early to think about swimsuits....

Okay.  just when you think it can't possibly get ANY worse.......I have a website for you.  Enter at your own risk.  It's a bit.....risque.

Well, I see you went ahead.  Yep.  Couldn't resist.  And after i saw this, I thought.....hey.  Some captions might be in order.  Yep.  I'm not going to post the pictures, just some random captions.  They'll fit most any of the fabulous designs.......

1)   When wearing the ENTIRE tent isn't appropriate...

2)  For the Wild Amish woman in YOU!!

3)  Not just your mother's swimsuit anymore!

4)  For the girls that "have such a pretty face"

5)  Yes, our suits come in XXXXXXXXL.

6)  What the fashionable Nun is wearing this year.

7)  The ultimate answer to cellulite on the beach.

8)  (Just so you don't think I'm picking on any ONE) The official uniform of Southern Baptist Youth        Camp!!

9)  The Rosie (O'Donnell)

Now I'm no fan of the thong, either.  But isn't America GRAND???!!  There is something for EVERYONE!

And.....I've just found another..."You won't believe it" for tomorrow's post......

Probably file this under TMI........

In other news, I went to the doctor this week.  Yeah.  It’s gonna be one of those posts. There’s gonna be TMI here so I’ll understand if you want to forego this one. 

(My son-in-law just hit "delete").

I can put on my top ten, no top five list of Things I Hate to Do In Life, going to the doctor for that yearly checkup is about number one. Right behind having my fingernails pulled out and famine and pestilence.  I hate it.  I can't imagine my doctor is too thrilled. But convincing my husband that the gynecologist doesn't have the greatest job in the entire free WORLD, or at least as good a job as say.....the guy who taste tests for Church's Fried Chicken, won't happen soon.    The first gyn I ever saw was my mom’s doctor, a man in his late hundreds with white hair, which should be comforting, but it isn't.  I think there should be a learning curve of some kind.  It's really the kind of thing you’d like to have a head’s up on. You don’t really want that sprung on you. At any age.  Anyway, he didn’t find anything wrong. He gave me a pack of birth control pills and wanted me to come back. Yeah.  That'll happen. I'm still dealing with the trauma. I guess I’m okay until I end up rocking back and forth under a piano, scribbling with crayons and muttering “the people…. the people…” (Anyone see Sybil? Anyone?)

"Yep, okay, you have it, here are some birth control pills, they’ll fix you right up.” I think gyns feel about birth control the way my mother feels about hot wash cloths: they cure everything. Mom, I have cancer. Well did you put a hot wash cloth on it? Doctor, my arm is gangrenous. Here’s some estrogen. Keep me posted.

Moving on, after being married 3 years, and deciding to start our family, I then I found my own gyn, a great guy who was affable and confident and had nice pink robes and warm instruments.  Of course, I looked at him in a much kinder light because he was helping me bring my daughter into the world.  In fact, I think most women think their OB's are on their way to heaven or just returning.  You get something really good out of most of your visits to see them when you're pregnant.  Makes the probing easier.  You almost WANT to jump on the table and spread em just to find out how the baby is now.  I said ALMOST. 

Don't get me wrong.  I love Dr. M.  He is the BEST doctor who ever lived.  And I've seen a few.  He goes through nurses like nobody else.  I think he's probably pretty hard to work for.  He expects you to do what he asks and do it every time or you CAN be replaced.  And he does.  He has a couple of really good nurses right now.  I actually quit going to a doctor because of one of his nurses.  She still works for him in the same office.  And one of these days......if my PMS brain happens to come within 50 feet of her, I'm going to stop at her desk and tell her exactly why I quit seeing Dr. W. (like she cares). I imagine it like this:

"Jan, I just want to tell you, in CASE you ever wondered why we quit seeing Dr. W, that it was because of you.  Yes, you. (She feins shock.) When I asked you for help with weight loss, and told you I wanted to talk to the doctor about it, you replied in your shrill, bitchy voice "Wheels on your chair!!".  I'd like to knock your size six butt right to the ground even now.  I hope you grow a big wart right on the end of your nose so others might see the warning and stay the hell away from you."

Makes my blood pressure rise even now.

But everything came back really great.  Thank you God.  And now I can put it off for another year.  Except.....they couldn't get me in for the mamogram until Thursday....stay tuned.

Looooong week......

This has been a very long week.  Probably because we received Monday off for "inservice".  Just happens to fall on MLK day every year.  I found this list today, and after dealing with a couple of really BAAAAD kids (I took one of their cell phones only to find a picture of his friend's penis on it) I thought it was VERY appropriate.

How to call someone stupid:

About as sharp as a marble.
A few clowns short of a circus.
Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas Tree.
I wish I had a blueprint for his brain; I?m trying to build an idiot.
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
He only has one oar in the water.
Dumber than a box of hair.
A few peas short of a casserole.
One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
A few feathers short of a whole duck.
The cheese slid off her cracker.
Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
Couldn?t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
As smart as bait.
Chimney's clogged.
Doesn?t have all his dogs on one leash.
Forgot to pay her brain bill.
Her sewing machine's out of thread.
His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
No grain in the silo.
Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.
Receiver is off the hook.
Several nuts short of a full pouch. Skylight leaks a little.
Slinky's kinked.
Surfing in Nebraska.
Too much yardage between the goal posts.
The lights are on, but nobody?s home.
24 cents short of a quarter.
The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.

How's YOUR week?

The week in review......

And what a week it's been.  It's really REALLY hard to get back in the swing of things after a whole 2 weeks off for Christmas break.  Seriously, whoever decides on the school calender should be horsewhipped for giving everyone 2 weeks off.  Not that I didn't enjoy every single wonderful unpaid day, but going back is SOOOOO hard.  But we made it. 

Monday - Pop out of bed, sing in the shower and merrily drive to work.  Not really.  Actually I did pop out of bed, shower (no singing) and raced to work.

Tuesday - Drug myself out of bed ( no lie) cursed in the shower and raced to work.  When I drop Ralph off, Chad has a look on his face that isn't good....."I've got a problem".  Sewer is backed up.  Now, this isn't anything really new to them, Chad has unclogged the sewer line about 17 times in the two years they've lived there.  But the real problem is, for him to do it, it takes carrying out raw sewage in a giant tub to get to the line he needs. Oh crap.  Literally.  I offer to come over and help him if he calls me when he's ready.  He doesn't think I'm man enough for the job.  He's probably right.  Good thing he is a farm kid and tough as a boot.  He is also really sick with bronchitis and looks about half dead, so later that night I go over and help them clean up a little and I'm okay with that.  Just not the bucket.

Wednesday - Hit the snooze button approximately 35 times, cursed the alarm, drug myself into the shower, sped to work.  Interesting evening though..... Shell calls with another sewer problem.  However, it's 20 below with the windchill outside, he's already done it once this week, and they're fed up.  Plus, Shell is at the end of her rope. She calls Larry .  He is so kind and patient with her.  I'm really impressed.  Here's a bit of the conversation:

He answers, finds out the problem and says:

"what would you like me to do sweetheart?"

"Uh huh."

"Do you want me to come over?"

"uh huh."

"What would you like me to do?"

"okay..."

"Tell me what I can do to help."

"yes." 

"I'll be glad to take a look, but it sounds like a job for someone who is a professional."

"Uh, huh."

"Now honey, this isn't the end of the world.  It ain't nothing but a thing.  It'll be okay."

"right.  Blow it out my ass."

At which point I'm rolling on the floor laughing and he is still very patiently telling her it will be okay.  She's not buying it.  We feel sorry for both of them. 

Thursday - Shell comes over to shower at 6:30 a.m. because they can't run anymore water at their house, and could NOT find someone wanting to come out at 7:00 at night and help them.  Even if they paid overtime.  Sissy sewer guys. Besides that, Chad wants to be there when they come so he can talk to them and find out more about their options and what's causing the problem.  And he's working today......so the sewer guys come out on Friday.

The weeks ends peacefully, and we're planning on watching Riley play basket ball Saturday night (he tells everyone he makes 10 baskets a game) and spending the night in Kansas City. 

Saturday morning - the phone rings.  Grandpa wants to know if Larry is up yet.  Of course not. 

"well, get him up and tell him to come and get me.  The sewer is clogged at the rent house."

".........?"

Stop laughing.

PhoniKs.........

I found this site and thought it was funny.  Relax your mind and SOUND out the words to get the full effects.......

The Rentlemen's room is right next door.....

Because the last one made a real mess.....

I think this is where the kids took their car to be fixed.  And fixed.  And fixed.

I needed a new pink shade.......

If you don't want to be groped, don't enter here!

Reflesh.

Renew.

Rerax. 

My new salon.

It's ruxurious. 

Sign for a 70's Japanese Flower Child.

Oh, that Walter......

I wonder if it comes in my size......

Hey- if your man or his parts are stolen, you were warned.

Served with a side of flied lice.

Everyone needs an MP3 Prayer.....

If I've told Ray once, I've told him a thousand times.....

This is a problem??!!?

So THAT's how we get little busses.....

It's a good thing I don't smork....

And........lastly........at least they said CHRISTMAS and not "let's happy holiday"!!

Flower Child.....

Okay.....this is what started the whole thing: 

http://listoftheday.blogspot.com/2007/09/great-olan-mills-photos.html

I laughed so hard at some of these, I just couldn't help it.  And my darling daughter REGULARLY it seems, accuses me of being a "flower child" or "hippie", neither of which I considered myself.  After all....I'm WAY too young!!!  So I started looking.....

A decade of Peace, Love and Rock and Roll.....

Or so they called it.  And the older I get....the more I realize how innocent it was.  Maybe it's my birthday doing that to me.  And, make no mistake, I'm happy where I'm at.  I wouldn't trade  my experience  (or wisdom as I like to think of it)  of today for the youth of yesterday.  Okay, maybe I'd trade a little wisdom for the pre-baby, pre-40- something body.    

But I know who shot J.R (and why!).  And I remember Michael Jackson when he was black.  And not weird.  And I skated EVERY single Friday night.  I actually still OWN one 8-track tape.  And my husband owns a player! (We're hoping the Smithsonian calls....)

Ever drive one of these?? Know someone who did?  I knew a guy......

and I would have bolted and chained my daughter to her room if she had even thought about it.

Not exactly like this, but close. 

Now wouldn't you think this kid got beat up?  Actually, he was probably voted "most likely to succeed". In the 6th grade.   JUST because of that GROOOOVY suit.  If you didn't own one of these in 1978, you were a big fat LOSER.  ("how many polyesters did you kill to make that suit?" - Steve martin).   Ray's was baby blue.  He took his senior picture in it.  With a silk shirt and he wore some bitchin' platform shoes.  Makes my heart go pitty-pat.

I'm pretty sure a couple poly-esters

were killed making these pants!!

And remember these??  They were actually outlawed.  Believe it or not, you could get hurt.  Of course, back then you also got in trouble for playing with your toys so hard they fell apart.  Our parents would NEVER have thought of suing the toy maker.  We were just EXPECTED not to be stupid.

Who didn't spend an afternoon humming the "meow mix" commercial??  Did you have "ring around the collar"?  Or a cat named "Morris"??  Watch the "Love Boat"?   Taste Imperial margarine and actually EXPECT a crown to appear on your head??  Yell "da plane! da plane!" when you were outside playing tag?

I LOVED the "I'd like to buy the world a Coke" commercial.  A whole bunch of young people of different nationalities standing on a hilltop holding hands singing...  (Uh....maybe my daughter has a little bit of a point...).

American Graffitti (1973)

The Godfather (1972)

Don McLean singing "American Pie"

Jaws (1975)

Posideon Advanture (1972)

Young Frankenstein (1974) Or, as the young doctor liked to call himself "Doctor Fronk-en-steen".

The Exorcist.  Guaranteed to keep you up for a week straight. (1973)

And.....just for my son-in-law:  Rocky (premiered November 21, 1976). 

And remember Vinnie Barbarino??? He was cool before cool was cool.  Welcome Back Kotter was a great show.  How about H.R.Puffinstuff?  Saturday Night Live has never been the same.  Gilda Radner, John Belushi, the Coneheads.  It was the HAPPENIN' , not to mention cutting edge show of the mid 70's.

Or.....Billy Jack? 

And Gloria Vanderbuilt jeans, and orange juice cans for hair rollers, and Stevie Nicks and the Ayatolla Khomeni?  Cheech and Chong and hot pants?  (Now - THAT'S a combination!!)

And Disco.  The "noun, verb and adjective of the 70's". 

The Hustle??

Raking your shag carpet??  Good times, good times.

Not.

And what one of us (girls of course.  Men didn't do it til the 80's) didn't flinch when we saw mom coming at us with this??!!?

A home perm.  Wreck your hair in a bottle.  Fast and in the convenience of your own home.  Or.....as it should have been known.. "look like a poodle in no time!"

I don't know what they're selling in this picture, but I bet it was successful!!

But hey.  I "deserve a break todaaaay...."

So I'm going to have "Calgon take me awaaaay" 

But before I do, and just to show my kids that THEIR kids will indeed laugh at them too.....

Your generation gave us:                                                         

"Don't have a cow, man"

"I pity the fool..."

"as IF!!"

"where's the beef?"

Break dancing

New kids on the Block

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Sing along!! "Now this is a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down..."

I have one question.  How are you going to explain to my grandchildren the phrase "gag me with a spoon"???!

That's okay.  Just tell them that none of you had a computer in the house when you were born.  Yeah.  How's it feel to be a dinosaur??

Happy Birthday......to me!!

I got the best surprise today!!  Running up to the front door and FLYING through the house........

It's the birthday card fairy!!

The sweetest little birthday card fairy in the world!!

It was a card with this inside....

I'm sure she wrote it by herself.  She's just the smartest granddog EVER!!

And she does love me.  Almost as much as a dog biscuit.

Last Sunday night, we had a family dinner to celebrate my birthday.  It was put together by Shell, and we had such a good time!  Family, salsa and chips and presents are a PRESCRIPTION for happy !  I was ambushed.  They sang a song, I assume it was a birthday song, but not anything CLOSE to "Happy birthday".  It sounded like a whole bunch of drunk sailors singing off key.  No kidding!  It was F*U*N*N*Y!!!

I loved every minute of it!

Thank you everybody!!!!!  It was wonderful!!!

Yet one more Christmas story...

After the kids went to their Aunt Karen's church for Christmas Eve service, we took them out to the Fire Station to see where Chad works.  They LOVED it!  If it were not for my poor photography skills and the view of a whole lot of backsides, I'd show you the pic when they arrived.  Kendell squealed "Chad!!!" and ran and hugged him (he gets lots of those).  It was so sweet.

It helps tremendously that the guys he works with are really great about visitors and VERY willing to give a tour and let them sit in the trucks.

And turn on all the lights. 

There are so many lights

...... and those trucks seems  reeeeeeeally big when you're standing next to them!! 

Kendell is barely taller than the front tire.

Chad showed them all his equipment that he wears to a fire.

And how you put it on....FAST.

   

It's HEAVY, too!

Aren't they HANDSOME???

Great smiles.....

Maddie can stand straight up and all that touches the steering wheel is her little pony tail on the top of her head. 

He showed them all kinds of things and let them open little doors and see what was behind them. 

And climb and explore and pretend.

Even Maddie wanted to climb on the fire truck!

And then Jeremy suggested that they see where the firemen sleep.... and....hey......why not jump on Chad's bed while you're there??!!?  Great idea!! They were all over it.

Riley had a serious discussion with Mr. Bus about firefighting....

They we had a little snack before hitting the road......

to go home and wait for the sound of sleigh bells......

What a great Christmas Eve!