Please send sympathy..... and maybe valium.

This week my husband came down with "the crud".  You know.....the coughing, hacking, stuffy head, walking billboard for NyQuil?  That's him. 
Now, he really IS sick.  He went to the doctor (again) yesterday and Dr. Messner informed him that his lungs sound like he's "a pack-a-day smoker" (he is NOT), and that he still has fluid in his ears.  He was positive he had either raging pneumonia or a flesh-eating virus, and was a bit let down that he didn't get a ten day anti-biotic, but rather a five day one.  And each day he wakes up just certain that he is "sicker than yesterday".  Tonight our daughter told him that he sounded 1000% better than he did yesterday, and he got mad at her.

 If any of you out there know what I'm getting at, or what is mean ...my hubby is...he suffers from..... epinionitis spasmo phantom-o.  Or E.S.P. 

In other words, the power of suggestion is enough to send him running to the E. R.   He is the MOST susceptible person I know to the power of suggestion.  Thus the "epinionitis" of his disease.   If he overhears someone relate the symptoms of an illness, he suddenly has it.  Lower abdominal pain?  Bloating?  Irritability?  Hot flashes?  While someone might be discussing their latest bout with P.M.S., he is mentally running down the list of what he suddenly is feeling. 

He suffers from acid reflux, SARS, the hunta-virus, six different types of diarrhea, P.M.S. and global warming.  I don't let him watch the six o'clock news anymore.  Not since he was watching a segment on puppy mills and decided he had rabies. 

His E.S.P. does not, and I repeat NOT, translate into him being a health nut.  I know, some things just don't make sense.  You would think that as worried as he gets about having "something" he would be very careful about his diet.  Nope.  Slather the mayo on it.  Put extra.  Top it with bacon and fry the green beans. 
If he tells me his stomach is upset in the evening, and he thinks he is coming down with the flu or some horrible disease, I no longer panic as I did when we were newly married.  Instead I start with something like "what did you eat for lunch?".  Usually he says he had a lunchable or sandwich.  Then I'll say, "did you have a snack or anything else all day?"  More often than not he'll say something like; "well, not really.  I did eat six jalapeno hot dogs at the gas station in Timbuk-four.  But that was three hours ago."

I found this quiz the other day.  Wow.  It really hit home:

1. Are ear infections contagious? 
   1. Yes
   2. No
   3. OMG, I just got one the other day, and now it’s ten times worse than what it was.
2. How often do you have diaherrea?
   1. All the time
   2. Seldom
   3. It gets so bad, I have to stay home from work for days.
3. Do you have a cough?
   1. Yes, but it’s just allergies
   2. No.
   3. Yes. I think I’m getting strep.
4. Are you contagious?
   1. Yes
   2. No
   3. I’m always contagious.
5. Which of the following symptoms do you currently have?
   1. Cough
   2. Diaherrea
   3. Ear ache
   4. None of the above
   5. All of the above

6.When you’re sick, who usually knows about it?

               a. My co-workers

               b. My friends

               c. My family

               d. All of the above

 

Don't tell him you have a headache - he just got one worse than yours.  And it probably means that he is coming down with SOMETHING that will need an anti-biotic.  STAT.  Or maybe an MRI. 

 

He just believes he's being vigilant.  And the rest of us are unobservant.

 

And I believe I need a margarita.

Comments

[Tara Lawhead]

ok Just be glad that he doesn't do what my husband does and get on to WebMD and Diagnose himself according to his symptoms! Long story short-He always seems to think he has something but refuses to go to the doctor!